a cheap trick, a cheesy one-liner, and a way to get out of almost anything

a guide to surviving life as a secret duchess in a world packed with commoners

most people have no idea who they might be standing next to. that guy who looks like a unemployed skateboarder? well, who knows, he might be a CEO at Google. my job on this page is to make everyone wonder who in the world they are standing next to when they see or meet you. whether it’s locking down that guy of your dreams, or just making the girls in your math class, or down the office hallway a little more careful about what they say about you, either one is applicable.

my advice will follow (in an easy to read format) and it has worked for me for a long time now. it has also been successful in confusing the heck out of people into giving you exactly what you want even in the most, shall I say, “awkward” of situations.


No. 1 


no one in their right mind has ever said, “wow, i wish that i could be worse at *insert activity here*” at least i would hope no one in their right mind would ever say that. most people say, wow, i’m glad i am good at this and even more people say, wow i wish i could be good at this. i found myself saying this a lot…about a lot of things, like, i wish i was smarter than that annoying kid who sits in the front and talks about things that frankly go right over my head as a scroll listlessly on pinterest, or i wish i could figure out a way to get this teacher to give me an A, or how can i get this for free without stealing, or how do i get this guys attention without being like every other girl, or how do i outsmart the other girl at the law firm so i can get on this case….

the list goes on

we all have long lists though. go ahead, think about it before scrolling on.

*insert allotted think time here*

when i say act better, i’m not talking about crossing your legs, or repainting your ballet slipper colored nail polish every few days, because who has time for that? not me. i’m talking about acting better…than other people. okay, wait, wait! don’t freak out. this isn’t some crazed rant on acting like a jerk because you’re trying to let them know how high and mighty you are, i’m talking about confidence.


ugh. yes. that scary thing called confidence. the thing that seems to be lacking from so many people’s lives, girl or guy. we have to make up fake social media lives to project confidence. i mean, seriously, how many people can you name off the top of your head that are goddesses and gods on instagram, and then meeting them in real life is like finding out santa claus isn’t real. super big let down. they are just like you. their mom probably buys off brand cereal, and their dad cracks jokes at the dinner table that make them cringe, school is still hard for them, they have problems with friends, relationships (let’s be real here, we all cant be jay and alexis, haha, that’s some irony right there).

getting back to the main point, confidence does come from within. it’s not something you can fake forever, but let me tell you from someone who has experienced a thing or two about confidence…you can fake it until you make it, and you will make it quicker than you think you will. okay, that was confusing…let me reword that.

i want you to think of a time, or maybe a reoccurring time, when you’ve felt less than confident. for me, it’s when my hair is super curly and my clothes are lack luster, and when i feel like the chunky monkey ice cream binge from the previous day just counteracted three weeks of working out…you know the feeling, right? maybe for you it’s when the girls in the lunchroom are staring you down, or when you’re entering a new workplace, or just the workplace in general, or on a friday night at a bar, or after a break up…whatever. those are the times when insecurities can be a big deal, and confidence can be at an all time low. so here is what i’m saying. instead of letting those moments eat at you, pretend you’ve got your own thing going.

“smile like you’ve got your own thing going,” – neal caffery

truly, there is no one more beautiful than matt bomer

ah yes, my king and my inspiration, mr. neal caffery from white collar. if you want lessons in being calm and collected and confident under extraordinary amounts of unnecessary television drama, watch white collar and learn. but if there is something i’ve learned after a few years of being bullied in middle school is that people respond to the way you hold yourself. even on my crappiest of days, holding myself high and knowing that i have self-worth beyond what i’ve given myself credit for, is a truly life changing way to live.

so, how in the world does this work in a real world situation?


i am not saying that there are going to be days were faking a little more confidence than you feel is going to seem ridiculous, but it will go miles. life doesn’t seem so daunting when you feel like you have the means to tackle it. neal caffery seems to smile and lie his way through life, and it does definitely get him in trouble, and i don’t endorse lying, but sometimes that saying that i mentioned before of fake it til you make it, really does mean something because…

“no one else knows what they’re doing either” – ricky gervais

funny, huh? you see those people on the street who just walk with an heir of “something,” like they know where they are going, and they know where they’ve been (bad or good) and the world is theirs. yeah, some of it’s real, but i can guarantee you, coming from someone who walks like that, 85% of the time i have no clue what i’m doing, but keeping up the confidence despite the confusion can sometimes be very helpful. admitting you’re a little lost, is where it all begins too.

gets me every time

ever seen psych? shawn spencer is the king of flying by the seat of his pants, admitting he has no idea what’s going on, but still pulling through even though he is the weirdest, awesomest television character to date.

they key is to have a little faith in yourself.

i probably have too much faith in myself, and that’s why my mom tells me i need to focus on anything but myself for once…that’s another story for another day though.

for now, dwell on this, my friends, and try to walk as you never have before into your school, work, or just wherever you go today and tomorrow, even at the grocery store, or driving your car. confidence is key, and so is faith.

xx the duchess








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